Oh sheesh, it feels like I’ve been gone for a month!  I wish I could tell everyone that I have a beautiful bronze body from all of my laying on the beach or that I have Bo Derrick-style braids in my locks to show the world that I’ve been in the Caribbean, sippin’ on some rum, getting massages… whoa- how long was I asleep?  long enough to dream!

I did gain 75 more pounds from being on lockdown with the Princess as she recovered from her surgery.  She is doing wonderfully.  She does say that her “swallow” still hurts, but other than that she’s fine!

I was very nervous about her having this surgery.  Of course it’s never easy to have your child put under anesthesia but all that normal parental fear aside, I know 1st hand how fucking HORRIBLE awful terrible painful excruciating Bad-Bad-Bad it can be…

Here is my story…

I was a 21-year-old woman with chronic step, sore throats, all that shit.

Dr: “Oh hey, you need your tonsils removed!”

Me: “Cool,  (I just have to have surgery, I’ll get to miss work, lay around, be doped up, eat ice cream…) can we do it today?”

I was a moron.

I thought since I was so a custom to having my throat hurt like the fiery depths of hell, that surgery would be a cake walk.

I was a moron.

I had those little sons of bitches removed & all was good.  Well, all was okay... until, the scabs came off.  Yes, scabs.  When they get those things out, they cauterise your throat, instead of stitch.  For those that don’t know, that means they burn your shit closed to stop the bleeding.  Your throat scabs up the first few days as it heals.  You begin to think that you are heading out of the woods.  Then just when you least expect it…the scabs come off.  Which feels like someone is taking a cheese grater to your already sore throat.  By then -of course- you are out of your pain meds & the Dr’s are telling you that you’ve already had too much & they can’t give you anymore.  Well, that’s what they told me.  Sorry but I thought I was feeling better, er-go I may have double-dipped the pain meds toward the end.  I mean, what else are you going to do with them?  Anyway… it hurts like holy hell.

Thank God I was living with my mom at the time or else I think I may have died.  If it were up to my Tough Guy-boyfriend I would have surely died.

I woke up one night thinking, dag my mouth is watering like crazy!  I can’t swallow fast enough.  I rose from my bed & walking into the bathroom where I discovered that it was, in fact, not saliva.  I had blood pouring out of my mouth from the back of my throat.  There was blood everywhere.  I grabbed the nearest towel & headed to my mom’s room.  She got up & called the Dr while I held the towel under my chin to catch the blood.  The Dr did not seem too concerned & luckily after a while the bleeding tapered off.  I climbed back into bed never once waking the sleeping Tough Guy next to me -so I thought.

It wasn’t until the next day when I told him what happened that I realized that if I were ever going to need emergency care, I would be on my own…

Me: “Shit, I had blood shooting out of my mouth last night like a fountain!”

Tough Guy: “Yeah, I heard you go downstairs, I got up to pee & saw all the blood in the bathroom -looked like someone had been stabbed.”

Me: “You were up & didn’t think that you should check on me?”

Tough Guy: “Nah.  I knew your mom would help you.”

Me: “You, are my…opposite-of-hero.”