I’ve done something bad. I didn’t do it on purpose. Ok I did it on purpose but I didn’t realize how bad I’d feel afterward.
Lately I have been at my wit’s end with the kids in this house being crazy monsters that don’t listen!!!!
…I did something I’m not proud of. At the very least, it’s not my most shining mom moment but I have promised you all that I am an open book so here it goes…
Shu Shu woke up the other morning & noticed that our Elf on the Shelf, Buddy, had a letter in his hands. -I had to take it a step further, my kids are NOT afraid of Buddy himself. Even though the idea of him flying around my house while I’m alseep scares the shit balls out of ME. Even though I’m the one moving his red ass around.
I got it out & read it aloud. It was printed on Santa Claus stationary & everything…thank you pinterest. It told both kids that in order to get the amazing things they asked for in their letters, they needed to be a “bit” better in the listening & following directions dept.
That is the way to ensure a spot on his “Good” List. It then directed Shu to tell me to check my email for a video message he had attempted to send. We watched the video.
In my defence, I’d like to say that those peeps that do those videos, need to have a freaking video that says like, “if you want to be on the good list, mommy needs you to…” which is what I had expected -ooooh shit no. The only ones they have, are either for the “good list” or …”naughty list”.
Now -I knew damn good & well, that coming off of the last few days with this “ray of sunshine” there was not going to a sparkling video from Santa telling her she was doing a great job & to keep up the good work. So I did the only other thing I could do. (except of course just not send her the video)
I sat at the computer with the kids gathered around. Santa’s elves put the file (with her name & FACE on it) into their machine & turned it on. I watched in horror as it spat and sputtered and clanked and kerplunked and began to light up green and then the bells and whistles and lights …all fall flat…..
-Cut to Santa
“Ooops, looks you are not on the good list just yet.”
…aaaannnd, que 4-year-old sobbing & laying her face on my lap…
Shit, long story short, after a lot of reassurance & explaining that she still had 15 days to get on the “good list” which Mommy & Daddy would help her with, she began to calm down. Words can not describe how badly I felt. What a BITCH I am! I told her the I was sure that Santa would be sending her a letter as soon as he heard how wonderful she has been behaving. She’ll get it in the morning.
Although if I had it to do over I would have never sent it. I would have just stuck to the old-fashioned letter…but I will say, she has been really good since…
This is the kind of shit that will stick with her little brain. She’s 4 now. She’s gonna start remembering things & I gotta figure out how to keep from jacking her all up.
I can picture her, 2033 -at the age I am now, (blogging on whatever bomb space-aged blogging thing they’ll have then. Probably like full-body hologram bloggin… they’ll call it hoggin…) & this same story will be posted and titled ”the day her bitch-of-a-mother f*cked her childhood UP!”
If you see us out in the streets DO NOT TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS “INCIDENT”!! (-OR ME) I MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, WILL CRY -WHICH WILL THEN PISS ME OFF.