Fuzzy Balls

Good morning, good morning!  Some of you might be wondering what the frick has happened to me.  Most of you won’t have noticed I was absent, which is fine too.

I couldn’t really tell you whether I’ve been crazy busy w/ little-to-no time to think of anything to write -or- if I’ve had so LITTLE going on that I have nothing, not even a good grocery store story to share -or- if I’ve been in Barbados with my husband celebrating a belated 6 year anniversary trip.

Well, I guess I can tell you it wasn’t the last one.  Though we did just celebrate 6 blissful years together.  Who knows when those years will be, probably not for another decade or so, but we went ahead & celebrated them anywho.  -kidding…

I think my life at the moment may be a little of both.  Too crazy at times to think about setting down & sharing… & then when the crazy dies down, it’s so damn boring that my mind can not think of anything I would possibly deem worthy of any you reading.

Yesterday, I did have an experience that I will share.  Don’t get too excited here.

I heard the girl holler to me from the bathroom.

*Never a good sign, since she is now almost fully in charge of her own wiping…  especially if when she begins to yell you can’t find her brother.

“Ahhh, he’s trying to put som-ting in the toilet!”

Here we go again.

Upon entry to the bathroom I am faced with my two kids.  1 screaming & the other with a smug look on his face, almost a smile.

I look into the toilet & see a fuzzy ball.

*Fuzzy balls at our house are used as a form of bribery, currency, an incentive for good behavior which can be later traded in for treats & toys.  This should be no surprise that neither child has accumulated enough to cash in.

Since the ball is little & I have zero plans to stick my hand in her pee for anything less than a cell phone, I flush.

Shu Shu screams holding her hand out, “NooOOooOOOoo!!”

She’s dramatic.

As the yellow & gold ball swirls around the toilet for the last time before being sucked down the drain, the boy breaks his silence.

…and with 1 snap of his tongue – 1 finger gun – 1 air kick & 1 wink he shouts, “BOO-YA!”

Gesture thumb up then down forefinger out like gun

Gesture thumb up then down forefinger out like gun (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The irony of him flushing his “good behavior reward” has not be lost here.  I would laid the smack down here if he were not just so damn cute.

A toilet with the potentially dangerous arrang...

A toilet with the potentially dangerous arrangement of the seat being up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

update on my updates -Monday the 14th of May

ok, sorry, I thought for a minute that I had these from last week set to auto-post.  I didn’t.

MONDAY

(the 14th apparently)

Monday, so I already told you all about the 1st part of the day.  (remember, it was awesome?  little dude had tests, sweet traffic situation heading downtown, bomb ass parking spot, test turned out not to suck, had good results, AND we were outta there before the time we were scheduled to start, AND didn’t get that speeding ticket I so deserved… now you remember, right?)

Well, in the spirit of equality, my husband and I decided to give the girl of ours a test too.  Didn’t want her to get jealous or anything.  We asked her if she knew how to spell ‘bathroom’.

She replied with, “Uh, No. -but I know that today is the 14th.”

She was on to us with that 1 question.

The little student in her is just dying to read & write.  She perhaps was just practicing?  Below is the door to our bathroom.

She DID admit to us that it was her.  We were really hoping for an awesome, crazy Shu Shu story about her brother doing it.  No we got the truth.  She said she wanted people to be able to find the bathroom.

and daddy’s smoker.  I guess.

Sum it Up – “Sunday”

I have not written in a minute, so I thought since I have a second, (I don’t really) I would just sorta sum up my week.  I’m not at all sure how this will turn out… soo-

UPDATE: it turned out long, so I will post each exciting, exhilarating day separate so you don’t overload on awesome.

SUNDAY

 Happy Mother’s Day!  This year, I do belive this was the greatest one I’ve had yet. I was allowed to sleep in, I then woke up to a beautiful family, which once I got the eye-boogs wiped away, I saw that it was MY family!

Those darlings had come bearing gifts.  I received a card picked out by my baby boy & signed/decorated by both kids, I got a card from my dear husband

I got the youngest cousin of my very favorite pudding cake from P Chop (I love red velvet.  Suckers only had strawberry cream cheese -it was a good enough sub.)  and last I got a pair of Mizzou sweats that I had dropped hints to the little ones about for weeks.

Honestly, I never saw the allure of huge baggy ass sweats.  Never.  I’ve always been a yoga pants sort of gal, but let me tell you folks, as I sat there…on my couch…shoving strawberry cake into my mouth, I was thanking my lucky stars that such an amazing pair of huge soft sweats existed AND that they were on my ass.

Once I demolished the cake, I took a bad-ass nap.  My husband took the kids outside so they would not wake me by arguing over toilet paper as Shu Shu drops a deuce in MY bathroom.  –That part didn’t work, but he tried.

Once I “officially” woke up, I was presented with steak, scallops, shrimp & pasta… right to my bed -no I’m kidding, to my table.

So yes, this was my favorite one yet.  A day filled with a few of my favorite things, sleep + kids home (but outside) + sweats + cake + more sleep + fat amazing dinner = fat happy mama.  Hope you all had a great one as well!

OOooPs, I posted without a title…soo here.

Talk about a beautiful night!!

…If you can look past the neighbors fighting on the porch.

Annnd the apparently PARENT-LESS children running through my yard.

Annnd the dogs in the ‘hood going crazy, running/barking up & down the fence(s) from all the noise cutting through the evening air.

Yup, that 3 minutes outside was enough for me.  A big THANK YOU to my butthole neighbors, who have yet again, ruined what could have been a fantastic evening.

Then, I turn to go inside for some quiet.  Aww shit.  I can already hear MY 2 turd-burglars…

( [t-rrr-brrr-gl-rrrr] noun; meaning someone who burgles turds.) 

…tearing each other apart, along with anything within the reach of their tiny arms.  (which, you’d be flat-out astonished to see what those guys can reach.)

Do I feel like a hypocrite for putting a tiny hex on those loud mo-fo’s screaming at the little children like they are in a bar fight.

*One of the children would be the same one I found walking down the street one morning…not-a-grown-up-insight.  I was really late that day…after walking my 2 kids & the little stinker, all hand-n-hand, back up to his house.

What was the question??

Oh right, my answer is no.

I may have unruly (from time-to-time) mini-me’s, but I have the common courtesy to at least keep them locked down inside my house…

(the real reason I keep them locked down has muuuch more to do with being sure I’ve locked the unruly outside people OUT.)

These people got the right idea...

The Princess & the Frog…in her throat.

Hear ye hear ye… her royal highness Princess Shu Shu Fontain, is going in for a little nip and cauterize. Thats right, you can all kiss those adenoids and tonsils sayonara. 

Today is the big day. The one her mother, the queen, has feared –ever since she suspected that a 35 lb, 4-yr-old shouldn’t snore like a dirty, fat, trucker. So just in case her majesty, the queen, is unable to tell you all a tale for the next couple of days, you will know why! But who knows… she very well may just have MORE stories to entertain… You’ll have to keep your eyes out.

Damn I HATE being up when the birds are waking. It gives me flashbacks to the old days, which results in an immediate hangover…poo.

Bitty Man’s Heartbreak

Last night you could hear his cries echoing through the halls.

Echoing even louder than usual, maybe due to the removal of the big area rugs that once buffered some of the noise in this house.  Thanks a lot, Chopper.


Bu-bee…ohHHhh BU-bee where ahh you!? Oh-bU-bee-Oh-bU-bee-Oh-bU-beee…where AHH yoooou?!! …Ohhh Bu-bee…” his pitiful cries would go unanswered.

Mainly because he is waiting for an answer back from a blanket, which as we all know, can’t talk.


His head hung.  His shoulders sagged.  He walked as if his legs could barely carry his tiny drooping body.  He drug his feet as he slowly and reluctantly returned to the cartoon marathon his sister was hosting in her room.

He looked like a boy who had lost his dog. I bet he felt that way as well.  It was, after all, his most trusted and faithful companion.

Better than a dog really.  This blanket won’t shit on your big area rugs so many times that you finally decide you’d rather use your rage to roll those mo fo’s up & drag them out to the trash than scrub crap off of them again.

Most times, I would not put a lot of faith into my washer nor dryer. Thank the heavens above, I was able to rely on them this night.

I carried the fresh-out-of-the-dryer blanket, affectionately referred to as “Bu-bee”, up the stairs to his BFF who had not once given up looking for him. -it?...whatever.

The Bitty guy did not know that his buddy was ready to return after his long hot bath.  He saw me rounding the corner.  His face was wet with a mixture of snot and tears.  I held out his “Bu-bee” and he came running down the hallway as if they were reuniting in a field of wildflowers.

The storm clouds rolled out, the sun came shining in and all was right with the world.  He hugged that thing as hard as his arms could squeeze.  So hard, they fell to the ground where they stayed. Curled up, butt in the air and face buried in his blanky.

We gave them a minute.

A minute was all Bitty’s dad could take.  This man, who is at times mistaken for being made of stone, sat on the floor and held the Bitty in his arms.  Hugging the happy baby as the happy baby hugged his “bu-bee”.

He then looked up at me & said, “Bitch, you better think twice before touching my Bu-bee again.”

Linus

Rat-a-Tat-Tat…

Shu Shu wanted to put on some temporary tattoos.

In an effort to show her that they can go other places besides the back of your hands, I joined in and got some ink as well.

When my husband came home he said to me, “Hey Ma, nice tats.”

“Thanks.” I replied.

Before walking away he poked my boob & said, “I was talking about those.”

Procrastination may be Genetic.

During an intense, late-night writing session that Shu Shu was throwin’ down, her pencil dropped to the floor.

I looked at her.

She looked at me…

then said, “Well, I’ll just get that in the morning.”

and like that (insert finger snap) the writer’s-roll was over.