Shoot me. Shoooot me shoot me shhhhhoooot me. Shoot me. Shoot meee. SHOOOOOT me shootmeshootmeshootme…
This is the story of my life. I’m sure everyone has a bit of this in their lives as well, but it seems to reeeeeally love to attach itself to MY life & hold on like a motherfucker.
Ya know how they say, “when it rains it pours”. It’s true. Obviously, or people wouldn’t say it. I mean, it just wouldn’t make any sense if not tons of thousands of people, a crap-load of people, didn’t have this sorta thingy happen to them often. The people would be like, “um nooo…sometimes when it rains, it’s just beautiful sprinkles of God’s love that washes the world clean, feeds the flowers & makes the way for rainbows.” -Horse Shit.
I really think that “saying” (around here at least) is an understatement. When it rains at this house…it pours, hails, sleets, floods, catches fire, & then explodes. How does rain catch fire & explode? -I don’t know, damn it. It just does.
As most Christians are, I am in the midst of a pre-mid-post Christmas meltdown.
We got home from Xmas #1 on Sunday. We spent the weekend with the in-laws, eating ham, deviled eggs, fudge, cookies, rice balls, meatballs, & basta. remember they are Italian. (When I first started dating Mr Tough Guy his buddies would joke around about how Tough Guy’s family eats turkey & spaghetti for Thanksgiving. I thought they were joking. They were not. I am GLAD they were not. That shit’s the bomb! Shout Out to my sis-in-law, Drea & my mother-in-law for the amazing food!)
So anyway, we get home & I think to myself… cool, got 5 days until the next round of festivities begin, plenty of time to knock out my to-do’s…if I could only find my list…
That’s about the time I realized that Shu Shu was laying on the couch. Aw…Shit. I know that you already see exactly where this is heading. Yup, fever…102. Ok, fine. I can handle that…
…what I can NOT handle, is 2 kids begin to fry with fever, both become even MORE demanding than usual, the baby wants me to hold him every second-of every minute-of every hour-of the day… Shu Shu wiz’s the bed around 2 AM Monday morn, because she’s so sick she just doesn’t get up. Don’t worry I’m already up because the baby is screaming his head off & won’t sleep. Well crap balls. Monday’s gone.
Ok Whit, just get the kids through the next day & I’m sure they’ll be feeling better & you can go on w/ the to-do’s. (Which includes, but is not limited to: wrapping a billion gifts, unpacking from the lake, packing for Xmas eve, grocery shopping, cookie baking, salad making, picking up the house so I can see what the f I’m supposed to be doing, laundry, laundry, laundry.)
**Side note: I have adult ADD. Diagnosed & everything. Christmas has become a serious problem for me. I’m pretty sure it’s all the glitter. So trying to get anything done is krazy hard even if the kids weren’t tugging on my leg, crying because they can’t open a Christmas present & have snot running down their faces.**
Did I mention that my fabulous mother’s birthday was Monday? We never seem to get to do anything super fun, so this time, my “future” sis-in-law, *wink-wink-fingers crossed-knock on wood* the Birthday Girl & my niece, Jack, all headed downtown to the Plaza for some shopping & dinner. 1st of all, it was raining like a son-of-a-bitch. (You know, when it rains it pours…) So it was also C-O-L-D. We decided to skip the shopping outdoors & head inside the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We wound up having a really great time. Aaaand then Tuesday, my brother’s girlfriend-my hopefully one day sister in law… was taken to the hospital & has been there since. She’s super-duper sick, with something that they don’t “think” is contagious. We all shared cheesecake the night before…EeeEE! I’m sure we’d all know by now if we were sick but the poor thing will miss some Christmas plans & that makes her sad. Which makes me sad… then I realized that I had left my shittin debit card @ the damn Cheesecake Factory…which makes me MAD.
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The rest of my week looks just pretty much exactly like the above crap. Me strapped down with 2 sick babies on my lap while the shit just piles up around me.
Every night I would get the kids to bed no earlier than 11 o’clock, one night it was 1AM. Then I would attempt to get something done. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.
Every 20-30 mins, one of the 2 were crying. The boy was crying because, come to find out later, that he had a raging ear infection. These cries would in turn partially wake his sister. That then set off an awesome week of reoccurring night terrors.
-If you’ve ever dealt with night terrors you know that there’s’s very little you can do about them. It’s very hard to comfort someone that’s having a night terror. It’s very hard to control the VOLUME of someone that’s having a night terror. At one point I was seriously bouncing back & forth from one bedroom to the other because, well…I’m pretty sure they are trying to kill me.
Have I mentioned that my husband came home sick from work Weds? Ladies you know what that means, now I have 3 sick BABIES. He too is crabby, grouchy, demanding, & so much more helpless than one could possibly imagine.
Have I mentioned that I, too, have been sick? Similar to the Tough Guy, I have a cold. No fever. His cold might be a little worse than mine. Not by a lot though…not that anyone cares!
So, here we are. Friday night…almost Christmas Eve. The boy has been pumped full of antibiotics & now both kids are feeling better.
He is still requesting to be carried everywhere though. I did get him to bed earlier tonight. I think it was 10? I know it was not before I pumped him so full of water -via feeding tube, that he vomited 150ml water & 150ml formula all over the livingroom floor & all over me. The rug-less livingroom floor. The splat was so loud it woke his father. Somehow he got almost nothing on him but I was covered in toddler chunks. (It wasn’t very chunky.)
They are all asleep now. I busted a fast fricken move, cranked some holiday tunes & knocked that to do list in it’s damn teeth.
Only thing left now is to help Old St Nick build a certain toy…for a certain little girl… that stands 3ft tall & has 50 pieces…AFTER it’s been put together! I had better get on it…or get on my bed…? I might be able to get my husband to set aside his sore throat to put it together tomrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz -whoa, how long was I asleep? Happy Christmas Eve to you all. Be safe & happy.
P.S. I received a shipment today. Yup I got my X-mas Cards, finally, 2 days before Christmas. Are you fudging kidding me? Jacking my order up twice? For my CHRISTMAS CARDS? That I ordered over a month ago? TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS ARE YOU FUDGING KIDDING ME???